Decisions, Decisions.

Today, I found myself mulling over the many possibilities there are for my immediate future. There have been many bumps in the road, and it seems as if I can never make a concrete decision. But in all reality, how is a person supposed to decide what is going to make them happy months from now? Personally, my mind changes on a day-to-day basis. I don't understand how everyone expects a young lady of my caliber to decide on anything at all. Making up my mind is not one of my strong suits.

My point is, I'm quite worried that I'm going to make the wrong decision for myself. Which is strange, because I've been waiting to make decisions for myself for years. And now I suddenly have all the freedom in the world to make choices for myself. Unfortunately, this freedom also comes with the responsibility to make the right decisions.

I think that things will pan out in the end, so I guess I just have to decide the best I can. I know that I think too much, but at the rate these situations are flying at me, there isn't that much time to think.

making restrictions into opportunities.

Lately, I've been sulking over the fact that I will never be able to travel to hot locations, the way I've always wanted to. This is due to my habit of becoming ill whenever I find myself in a place too close to the equator. I really don't mean to - perhaps it's my asthma, or perhaps my body is just too used to Canada's climate. Either way, I need to come to terms with the idea that hot, humid destinations may not be included in my future.

Part of the reason this is disappointing to me, is because traveling is something I feel I've been placed on this earth to do. I'm not quite sure why, but I feel as if I can never do any good in a world that I know nothing about. Traveling is the only way to gain any true knowledge of one's own environment.

Lucky for me, I am not confined to Canada alone. Europe seems to be a hospitable place for my body to be. I think that I will make European destinations my main focus for the next few years of my life. Again, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish by traipsing around unknown territory, but I won't know until I actually do it, will I?

A free night, with nothing to do in the morning, and yet here I sit. No one around, no party invites, no exciting shenanigans to be had. Even my younger sister has a 'date'. As it turns out, being ill for weeks on end really puts you on the outskirts of any kind of social life. Therefore, there isn't much left to do but write.

It feels as if everyone and everything has changed in my absence. People that were once friends are suddenly not friends anymore. New couples are everywhere. Friends of mine are encountering struggles that I knew nothing about, and others are moving on with their lives in ways I never would have expected. And, among all the changing and confusion, I seem to have been left behind.

I'm not meaning to be bitter towards anyone, please do not take this the wrong way. I simply feel as if I've missed out on the lives of everyone around me, and I am no longer included in this new world that seems to have been formed. Conforming to this new place may prove to be difficult - much like it is tonight.

"Nothing gold can stay."

When things change in a way that you never expected them to, sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes you just have to keep moving, in silence, and wait for it to sink in.

After all, nothing lasts forever.